funny responses to do you smoke

Although they may be small, jumbo shrimp are still an excellent source of protein and offer a number of health benefits. I wonder what happened to this poor Parrot?". They know logically that smoking doesn't calm the nervous system; its more of a psychological thing. 2. Can I make a wish? Did I forget to take the Free candy sign off again? Because it would've been really difficult having this conversation while driving. I asked what I should wear for Halloween twice and got 2 different fun responses. They are funny, they are wittybut their underlying meaning depends on your prudence. Do you have a boyfriend? The mechanic says he'll be glad to take a look, but he won't be able to get to it for a couple hours. You have your entire life to be a jerk. 9 yr. ago Exactly. 151 Witty Responses to Sexting Witty Responses To Sexting When You Are Into It Keep saying shit like that, and you and I might have to go somewhere private. They drag him out of the bar and eventually the Irishman comes to. Show him, there are many out there. What did the flame say to his buddies after he fell in love? The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money. The mother smiled and replied, Once upon a time me and your daddy decided to plant a little seed. So far, its a nightmare. The genie after having been drinking heavily for hours responds yeah but one wish per customer! The guy shrugs and say. ", "Marijuana is like sex. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. What do you call a couch potato that smokes a lotta weed? ask Siri, "will you marry me she say's . ", "That face you make when people say weed is bad for you. "How old are you?" ", "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. Bacon will kill you. Slowed progression of Alzheimer's disease. Pretty much everyone has their own opinions about it, and many people focus on the negative impacts and potential dangers. Do you believe in God? "Hey, what happened to the smoke shop that used to be next door? I know but it makes me look cool in front of the other kids. Do your parents realize that they're living proof that two wrongs don't make a right? Which English king invented the fireplace? Oh, enough about me! 3. When in a grocery store ask the clerk do you have Prince Albert in a can?, if they say yes, tell them to let him go. "I only smoke beautiful men and women.". I want my wheelbarrow back!, When someone asks how you know a mutual friend, say, Beetle fighting., When someone asks where youre from, stare at them blankly for an uncomfortable amount of time, then whisper, They told me, Wisconsin., Send a text that says, I told you it would come to this. What do you smoke when you're underwater? At length one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something." Lesson learnt I just got back on reddit and I'm seeing that a lot of people misunderstood how I meant this question. Oregon and Washington are among eighteen states that allow families to opt-out of vaccines for viral diseases based on philosophical beliefs, which is why these areas have been the most recent hotbed for the measles outbreak.More than 50 people have been infected across Southwest Washington . 2. On rubbing it clean, they release a genie who grants them each one wish. Relax. He said: no, I stopped smoking. It's serious. Explosive says: September 19, 2016 at 11:02 am . 2. Hey, hot stuff! But no wishing anyone, including yourself, off the island.". 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. As a gay man, me and my boyfriend smoke weed after sex. The guy says aloud, "Sheesh. I don't drink, i smoke very rarely, i don't stare at girls, i go to sleep early, i wake up early and I work hard everyday. Dont ask because its too early to tell. The answer was an emphatic No! I just got a job at a factory that makes fire hydrants. You stab 'em, we slab 'em. Physically? If our economy is broken, how do we fix it? Nice and dandy, like cotton candy. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean smoke detectors dad jokes. Lady: And how long have you been smoking? My response is always "Not cigarettes" they usually get it. Or, you can give a funny response to "how are you." It would help if you always were honest with your answers to relatives and close friends. Thanks for your advice, now **** off. 12. Its a question that comes up daily. "* A monocle walks into a bar. So there's this Spanish magician right and he says "I'll make myself disappear on the count of three". 31. Obama Yea I Smoke Blunts Funny Image. - You smoke? ", "There is nothing like smoking weed after a long day of smoking weed. Monk: "Well, we requested Synod to clarify whether it was OK to smoke while praying. However, you may visit "Cookie Settings" to provide a controlled consent. 1. Spiritually? Om Edibles. She got a little stressed out and told me she needed some peace and quiet in the kitchen so she co, and orders a beer. They asked him: why do you always smoke 2 cigarettes together? One liner tags: death, drug, food, health, sarcastic. Dad, still not sure who the current president is: only when I'm on fire Pray to God nobody asked me any questions. Thanks, I woke up like this. Joe shouts back, 'DON'T SWING, BILL. Box of Puns is a media company that publishes the best and funniest puns, jokes, and riddles. Please enter your username or email address to reset your password. 6. When asked a question where you know the answer is yes, instead of saying yes, say Does the Pope wear a tall hat?. When a friend suggests going for coffee, say Dont you know theres a war on?, When someone randomly changes the subject, shout, Hes at it again!, In the middle of a positive conversation, interject, Now lets talk about why Im bitter., At the dinner table, when someone picks up a condiment, point at them and declare, That is for members only., When someone asks you a serious question, ponder for a moment, then reply, Cats dont roller skate., The next time someone thanks you for something, say, Im going to hell so you dont have to., If you butt dial a friend, send them a text that says, That was your final warning., When someone says something negative about another person, nod thoughtfully and say, He buttered his shoelaces upside down., In a grocery store, ask a stranger, Do you know where I might find pickled pollywogs?, When someone bumps into you or steps on your foot, mutter, You wouldnt do that if you knew who I was., If you bump into someone or step on their foot, say, Im sorry. I will not have any daughter of mine wasting her time with high maintenance people! "I don't have time to hate people who hate weed, cause I'm too busy. ", "I don't have time to hate people who hate weed, cause I'm too busy smoking with people who love weed. $2.66 $2.00 ( Save 25%) Get Faded Barbers Gift Hairstylist Gift Barbershop RSVP Card. 5. So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm. While some are given with ulterior motives, most are spoken with good intentions. He says you died a little too soon. Your love gives me heartburn. Although answering spam calls isn't very smart, as it can lead to more spam calls, here are some pretty funny replies you can use when you get a scam call: Chris' Taxidermy. Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. He walked around and was surprised with many monks praying and smoking at the same time. We suggest to use only working smoke fire smoke piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? I lied. Remember that time when I said you were cool? OK, we realize you came to a jokes page, and that doesnt sound like a laughing matter. Stupiditys not a crime, so feel free to go. Thanks for sharing. Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. Seems like you have something to brag about. she was gone! Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you. Don't act as if you know nothing about what's happening. 2. 25. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. A sketchy looking guy rented six smoke machines from my shop, so I called the cops. 29. "Hey you two!" Can vegetarians still eat animal crackers? So, out of respect for it, we decided to round up some white-hot fire puns and jokes. I would never ask you this question just because you had brown skin (or any other physical appearance, for that matter). Or perhaps you want to break the ice with an online dating match. 2. Of course, you can respond with just 'thank you' for this comment. Bye! "* Why arent shorts half the price of pants? But my physics teacher says the higher you are, the larger your potential! She goes on to explain, "they have been busting their asses off. 2023 Box of Puns. 1. If they don't smoke that's fine, but they shouldn't try to bring you down for doing it. Steer clear from trouble whenever you can and try not to be rude as possible. Why are you asking me; did you already forget? "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." Dean Martin 28 / 32 Getty Images, rd.com Louis Pasteur "A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the. ", "When your friends smoke weed without you. 27. My lawyer told me not to answer that question. So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm. "What do you use it for?" If laughter is good for the soul what is the soul good for? Because lightning strikes the highest object. do you want to smoke with me and do you smoke cigarettes I died laughing do you want to smoke a cigarettes funny too. "Did you know there are a couple of guys standing out front right by your door smoking?" I asked them if they had papers. "What size would you like?" Yolanda said, I don't know I never checked. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. Two Firefighters are butt fucking in a smoke-filled room.. That's not true at all! Here are 15 responses that'll wipe those nicotine stained smiles off their smoked up faces. Why couldnt a man smell the smoke in his room? "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. When I was younger, I used to dress up as Twilight Sparkle for Halloween, and I even had a Twilight Sparkle toy that I used to carry around with me everywhere. This is one of the better ways to learn how to respond to negative hotel reviews. Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life. ", "When you bake yourself and not the pizza. What do you do when you find the needle in the haystack? "I wish to return to my old life!" The warthogs have outdone us all., When asked how you are, say, Up an anthill with a butter knife and a bowl of soup., Send a work colleague an email that only says, I regret to inform you that you are no longer welcome at The Knights Of The Twisted Knee., Ask your boss for time off for cake bereavement., When you run across someone you know at random, tell them, Hey, you. 2: Yes. He said: one for me, and one for my brother in prison. Siri: I'm a pearl beyond price. Remember that a bad review only reflects a single experience in which expectations weren't met. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. Why is a necklace called such, it doesnt have any lace attached. Ill leave that up to your imagination. This allows water, air, and sunlight to reach the soil. cause thats how I know supper is almost ready. Look no further than this collection of funny one-liners and puns about smoke and fire. You noticed Im lost and you wanted to give me directions to the zoo? 9. This post is dedicated to all of them. Funny Responses to "How Are You?" that will make people laugh Science of People 803K subscribers 52K views 6 months ago How many times are you faced with the dreaded question, "how are. 24. Pretty incredible, right? Man : It's mine. Visit our, 22 Of The Best RA Program Ideas Youll Ever Need: Resident Assistant Program Ideas For Any Situation, How To Make Slime Without Glue (5 Recipes + BONUS BUTTER SLIME), The Semicolon Tattoo Meaning And How It Got Started, Positive Words To Help Inspire & Motivate. With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. *Make sustained eye contact and then lick your lips*. *silence* That's the sound of me not caring. So does your continuous nagging, gimme a break. You snuff 'em, we stuff 'em. Better inside than outside. $2.72 $2.04 ( Save 25%) Live Fast Eat Trash Funny Raccoon Camping RSVP Card. Funny Response to "Sorry!" "Too late." People say "Sorry" all the time. Eenngk, enggk, engggkk! Smoke On The Water Fire In The Sky Funny Picture. I always say "here." Or "from my parents". My supervisors are happy with me. I did not inhale.". great one. "Twenty-six," he said. But I do like digesting information. *"Yeah I know. ", "You said you were a major pot head. He was sadly nearly crushed by the tractors wheels when he fell out of the cab, and the experience so traumatised him. How else would you be able to understand me? 12. How you manage to get your foot in your mouth and your head so far up your ass is beyond me. You saw me rocking out and wanted to know what music I was listening too? Bishop: "????? Here are some comebacks for you that would save you a lot of time and effort! ", "why did we take off so late?" Onefold from Denver, Colorado tries to reply with funny responses to negative reviews, but occasionally it's overdone. 2: I have a personal genie. after he was hit by a car on his bike: do you smoke? Gertrude is confused and Beatrice explains that it keeps the cigarette from getting wet. Your misguided opinion is false but cute. Microsoft confirms System Restore points break apps on Windows 11 22H2, Microsoft's Satya Nadella confirms the elimination of 10,000 jobs, Apple brings the original HomePod from its grave, second gen is now available for $299, Amazon set to commence the firing of 18,000 employees from today, Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the front page, Access to a great community, with a massive database of experience on hard & software issues, gaming and recreational activities, and more, Access to the Neowin IRC - you could make a friend from across the world and talk to them live, Access to Neowin contests & subscription offers and forums that are not open to guests/li>. That night he showers, shaves, and smothers himself in aftershave. But, dead inside. 4. Use contraceptives kids. No Smoking Funny Sign Image. 19. I'm going to be wearing an awful sweater too. This response is also great role modeling for others and furthers the important message to sober behind the wheel. Man, no wonder everyone talks about you behind your back. Better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life. Are you a man or a woman? Jokes on them, the smoke detector thought it was fire. You can explore smoke kush reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. If I guess correctly will you let me go with a warning? That is where most accidents happen. You are so funny!" LOL. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. You're hilarious." "I'm speechless. Is Friday the end of the week, or is Saturday, or is Sunday, or is Sunday the first day of the week? It does not store any personal data. Reply. So, they threw one cigarette off their boat and the boat became one cigarette lighter. He is completely covered in soot and smells strongly of smoke. *then put your finger on their lips*. Funny and witty responses to rude comments and mean people. If you say a prayer in church what do you say in the bathroom? Tim's Morgue/Mortuary. Seriously, he's been teetotal for months now. Besides funny responses, there are dozens of Google Home games that you can enjoy if you put the following funny commands to your Google Assistant. Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. ", "A list of reasons why you should stop smoking weed. 1 Responding to a Funny Text I can't stop laughing! asks the pharmacist. Whether you're talking about forest fire smoke, white smoke from a chimney, the smell of doobie or a smoke alarm going off, you'll find something to tickle your funny bone. $2.72 $2.04 ( Save 25%) French Bulldog Heart Valentines Day . To which the flight attendant replies: I was hoping you would be able to tell me that. Cant complain. Can you repeat what you just said? As he was walking through hell in despair, he met The Devil for the first time. Do you enjoy getting high more than just occasionally? If I was any better, vitamins would be taking me. Remember when I asked for your opinion? If P.E. Will the next virus be Covid 20? Oh yes, a clogged nose makes it difficult to breath as well. "I am sorry to bother you father, but can I ask you half of a lemon?" "Of course my son." said the priest and he fetched half a lemon for the man. I have had the same pack of cigarettes since 2007, im starting to get worried about my wife though shes been going through 3 packs a day! Im going to get my toe nail pierced this weekend. Well, then I think your stable is burning. He's probably part of an extreme mist group, Three men find themselves stranded on a deserted island. Here are 3 funny Hinge answers you can use right now. Are you supposed to serve coffee on a coffee table? Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth. Seriously, you don't need that negativity in your life. Luckily, talking back is one way to respond! Technically, I pulled myself over. But, it doesnt continue the conversation. Word on the street is that Im pretty good. 23 Continue this thread level 2 11. Security stops him and says, There are no firearms allowed in this building.. he shouts. not really funny, but has a point. 6. stands for Physical Education why does PPE stand for Personal Protective Equipment? You'll have to step outside to smoke." Id be better if you asked me out. 13. I'm baffled by just how flexible you can be. 1 "I'm Driving" This is the ultimate excuse. Heres a tissue, you have some sh*t on your lips. I've been called worse things by better people. He went to court over this incident. He told me to smoke for him too" In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it's worth to me. Do you want to come? Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. Tractors. He went online and read about how smoking can lead to cancer, and other health risks. I haven't had a cigarette in 10 years but my wife is up to two packs a day. Today she asked me if I wanted to smoke with her but I declined cuz I can't stand high maintenance women. When will we change give you a penny for your thoughts to give you a dollar for your thoughts?. If you shop inside the stock market is it stocked with fruits and vegetables? What do you call a dictionary on drugs? Bye. Everybody rushes to the counter and gets a cigarette. Everyones entitled to act stupid once in a while, but youre really abusing the privilege. But having a healthy respect for fire is part of appreciating it. I'll have a cigarette and a beer at the same time, but I'll still be wearing my seatbelt while I do it. .. so I took the batteries out of the smoke detector. Hey Santa, tell me the North Pole news. He was a great man, but a terrible firefighter. If you name your daughter Angel, arent you afraid she will fly away? Earlier they had to share one cigarette between the four of them, that's ju, When the jar was opened, a genie came out and said to them, "You have freed me from my jar. JustAnotherAviatrix 28 days ago. What happens when wildfire tells you a joke? It depends on what or who I compare myself to. Those vapors become exposed to oxygen, which creates the event of a fire. -Never smoke while texting.. No. Buying something on sale is a special feeling. Umm.pardon me, I wasn't listening. This list rolls up 100 funny and witty replies to rude comments. Click here for more information. 3. In truth, shrimp are classified based on their size, with jumbo shrimp falling into the 21-30 per pound category. Breathe. I will definitely abandon this lifestyle once i get out of jail. Maybe you'll find a brain back there. 27. Daddy put it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. Old Man Smoking Big Cigar Funny Picture. "* 15. I love you with every single drop of my blood and water in my body. Mom: no. By Terri Peters. Need some smokin' hot jokes? And, yes, fire is an event and not a thing. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. ", "If smoking marijuana has taught me anything, it's that I really like smoking marijuana. She yelled, I'm Mother Nature! You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway. "I thought I'd stop in and pick up some stuff and now its some sort of ladies apparel store." Hey Santa, sing Deck the Halls. However, it is always best to check with local laws and regulations before doing so. 12. Look, if I wanted to hear from an asshole, all I had to do was fart. 80.85 % / 634 votes. My lawyer told me not to answer that question. I protested. You kill 'em, we fill 'em. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). Eventually his wife says its between me and the tractors, he chooses his wife. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. He glared at me in the rear view mirror. Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory? Below you can find some example responses to a bad review. -Willie Nelson, "Don't worry, don't cry, smoke weed, and fly. I totally understand now why you feel that way. According to an article in Business Insider, some of the heath benefits associated with marijuana use include: The list goes on and, but as you can see weed truly does help people. I tried, but no one listens. ", "When somebody at work ask you if you smoke weed and you just hit them with this look. but then i saw a sign that said "keep off the grass" and felt judged. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. If a picture is worth a thousand words, what would a mural be worth? December 6, 2012 in Jokes & Funny Stuff. 1: Woah, where'd you get that!? Because I have this thing on my butt cheek. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. Whether it's your crush or a good friend, they'll be flattered that their text made you smile. It seems like it's confirming their idea that my job is awful. There are no (more) dragons doing the fire-starting work for us. Fire certainly qualifies as awe-inspiring. in a cloud of smoke he disappeared without a Tres. 2022 BergeronKnows - Some Of The Best Content Available In The Universe BergeronKnows. Do you eat? - Bill Clinton. "How old are you?' Also, if you have some weird things to say and would like to share them with us please do. The penguin says, "No, that's just ice cream.". The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money.". Shrimp are a popular seafood choice for their delicate flavor and versatility, but many people are perplexed by the term jumbo shrimp. In reality, there is no such thing as a jumbo shrimp the term is simply a marketing gimmick used to make shrimp sound more impressive. Just like everyone I do have many friends who smoke well and very well. No. Everyone loves to hear that they're funny. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. Thats a nice story and all, but in what chapter do you shut the f*ck up? But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. Ummpardon me, I wasnt listening. He asked the monastery superior about it. I'm doing OK, it's not me you need to be concerned about. Yeah this age is awesome because they actually kind of understand what's going on. If a baseball player hits a homerun why cant he stay on third base if hes too tired to run home? Watch popular content from the following creators: just.that.one.human(@just.that.one.human), Random stuff(@urgirlclem), Hoi(@itsyaboieli123), jlo(@jenny.bronxbaby), E(@random_tips1311), Charly Rich(@charlespoke), xo.girlyvibez(@xo.girlyvibez . "Oh, you don't smoke weed? Every new thought that comes into my mind is only you. So, they threw one cigarette off their boat and the boat became one cigarette lighter. See additional information. Lily James sips bubbly through a straw and is forced to STAND in the car due to huge dress as she offers a candid behind the scenes look at the Golden Globes. Depends how long you were following me. - Do you drink? Fire away! Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. In response to the "You're not a monk" joke. A guy with flame tattoo sleeves walks into a building. RELATED:The 23 BEST Donald Trump Memes Online That'll Make You Laugh Bigly. Because it's bad for his elf. As I passed, he said, "Excuse me, I don't suppose you have a spare cigarette I can have?". His wife turns over and asks: "What did you say '123' for?". the guy asks. Does everyone who says the Pledge of Allegiance really make a pledge? Hey Santa, tell me a story. Why dont we call a chocolate chip cookie a CCC? Now that Ive got your attention, have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior? After a while they saw him smoking one cigarette only and they asked him: so your brother is out of the jail? Bark like a dog. Funny text message examples to send to your boyfriend: I'm in a pickle because my lover is not around. Wait for your turn. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" ", "Why does it smell like weed in your room? Reply. Plus, its worth noting that not all fires are bad. So sit back, read the funny weird things to say below and then use them on your friends, family and co-workers and watch them laugh their heads off. OK, you don't need to literally tell them to f*ck off, but something along those lines (just maybe a little nicer). 1. I have five fingers, and the third one is for you. How can you scoot along if you dont have a scooter? I said no, I can't deal with high maintenance women. The next year, the hunter brings a bear gun, sees the very same bear, takes dead aim and fires. 3. the bartender asks. I plead the fifth. Didn't surprise me, considering how cold tinnitus. Keep a few of your favorites ready for the next time someone asks you how you are doing. This one always works. Your typical response is that youre doing good or fine. "well the pilot noticed some smoke and weird noises coming from the left engine and it took us a while to find another pilot willing to fly this plane.". They immediately ran off. YES: A car can stop at a bus stop, but there are a few things to keep in mind. A monocle walks into a bar. 18. Do you hear that? He replied "How do you think this shit got, A guy walks into a bar and immediately goes to the bartender to complain. 18. Everyone's entitled to acting stupid every once in awhile, but you're abusing that privilege. "I don't always smoke pot, but when Ido it's everyday. Because you got straight Cs in high school. Start a group text with random phone numbers and start talking about a serious problem you have. 14. He was found guilty. 9. 6. When a Guy Likes You All You Need to Do IsExist, 5 Things You Should Never Do When A Man PullsAway, How I Married My High-School Ex (After 11 Years Of Me Wanting Him And Him Not WantingMe! *then you walk away*. It also is fun to say to your friends. Siri: Don't let my voice fool you: I don't have a gender. On the inside of a fire hydrant, youll find H2O. Look who is talking. A lot better than you. Do you have affairs with promiscuous women?

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